EVERYTHING WRONG WITH IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

No doubt you’re familiar with YouTube channel CinemaSins and their Everything Wrong With series, for which they have garnered over eight million subscribers. This series brilliantly dissects and analyzes the shortcomings of movies from Hollywood blockbusters to Hollywood movies of medium success. They produce about one or two videos a week, and so will probably critique every single film ever made. As time goes on, they continue to be one of the best channels on YouTube. They’re only missing two things: My talent, and a video tackling everything wrong with the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life. So, consider this my audition to join the team over at CinemaSins

1. These are without a doubt the worst opening credits I’ve ever seen.
2. This movie’s in black and white, despite the fact that it came after Wizard of Oz.
3. It’s a Christmas movie that isn’t Die Hard.
4. Or Elf.
5. Looking at the special effects of Heaven, this was what they had in the 40’s? Come on, there must have been something better.

   

   This is it kids, this is what Heaven looks like

6. Clarence’s voice is absolutely ridiculous.
7. They stole the character names for Bert the Cop and Ernie the cab driver from Sesame Street
8. When Clarence sees Mr. Potter’s carriage he asks if he’s a king – later on he’s seen reading Adventures of Tom Sawyer – he clearly sounds American – does he know what America is, or not?! Do God and Joseph need to stop the story to explain that it is not a King, and that America doesn’t have kings?
9. Mr. Potter’s voice is absolutely ridiculous.
10. Boy George tells Mr. Gower that the pills are poisonous and Mr. Gower tries to taste it – it’s poisonous, you idiot.
11. Now there’s this sudden time jump – why even bother showing him as a kid?
12. Since the adult George Bailey is now in the movie, so is Jimmy Stewart – so I need to point out Jimmy Stewart’s voice is absolutely ridiculous
13. Also, Jimmy Stewart was almost 40 when this movie came out. After the time jump, Jimmy Stewart is playing young 20-something George Bailey. That is DEFINITELY not believable. Immersion ruined!
14. So before Harry’s high school graduation, we get to see a little bit of the Bailey household, and there’s this super racist caricature of a black maid. Come on, did they not realize that racism was bad by then?
15. Also, why does the maid character seem to have a better understanding of the Bailey family dynamic than George or Harry do?
16. At the High School graduation, all the people fall in the water. But then all these other people jump into the pool. Okay, this was the 20’s, their phones weren’t going to get damaged, fine, but do these people not have wallets? Money? Nothing worth keeping dry?
17. Let’s talk about the love-at-first-sight scene with George and Mary. They see each other for the first time since they were kids and then all of a sudden they’re in love. Okay, fine, I buy it, but they have nothing else in common. Sure, I bet they’d see each other and both think the other was attractive – and all of a sudden they’re married? Get out of here. There’s no basis for this relationship there.
18. Speaking of wacky relationships, can we talk about how Harry is at school when he decides to get married and can call to tell his family he has a surprise, but can’t call a couple of weeks before that to tell them that he’s getting married? Did he hate his family so much he just wanted to elope?
19. Then there’s the Depression, and the run on the bank. THIS ISN’T HOW BANK RUNS WORK!
20. This movie which has been decidedly anti-montage up to this point suddenly picks World War II, one of the most catastrophic periods in human history, as a good place to implement a fun montage. Great.
21. Okay, we’ve gone through the Roaring 20’s, we’ve survived the Depression, we’ve made it through World War II, and we’re slightly more than halfway through this over-two-hour film ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WE’RE JUST NOW GETTING TO CHRISTMAS DAY! If the main conflict of this movie is the fact that George thinks life is not worth living, and that his doubts only begin one hour and fifteen minutes into the movie, then half of this movie is exposition. This movie moves slower than Mr. Potter.
22. Bullshit! There’s no way Uncle Billy can be this careless with his bank deposits.
23. After the misplacing of the money, rather than informing the bank examiner, he goes home and decides to be a dick to his wife and kids.
24. George is a dick to his wife and kids.
25. And then he’s a dick to his daughter’s teacher. Although he’s not a dick to his sick daughter, so that’s a win.
26. George leaves his family to go get drunk, on Christmas Eve. Fun fact: the American Film Institute named him the 9th greatest movie hero of all time.
27. Clarence refers to himself as “AS2” – which he then explains means “Angel Second Class” but “Angel Second Class” would be acronymized as “ASC” or “A2C”

    

    Nick the evil bartender threatening to beat up an old man because he ordered a weird drink

28. The bartender Nick is an evil bar-owner/bartender in Potter’s world, whereas he’s just a regular bar-owner in George’s world. What the hell does George have to do with it?
29. In Clarence’s hypothetical world, we get to see Mr. Potter’s world where he actually does kind of get to be king, and he renames the town Pottersville. I get that this is supposed to show us that he’s a greedy, egotistical man, but it just makes me want to name a town after myself.

    

    I really oughta put a content warning for something like this

30. During the Pottersville sequence, the movie implies that since Mary doesn’t marry George, she automatically doesn’t marry anyone and becomes a librarian, which, as the movie implies, is the worst fate for anyone ever.
31. George doesn’t get arrested for tax evasion or drunk driving into a tree, but instead gets lots of money. Sad! The police officer should have arrested him anyway.
32. When George is running down the street shouting Merry Christmas at people, he’s still wanted for tax evasion and drunk driving WHY IS NO ONE ARRESTING HIM?
33. When George gets home, there’s the bank examiner, a police officer, and two reporters. Who let them into the house? Do Bedford Falls police officers always invite reporters to come along?
34. Not to mention, the bank examiner talked about how he wanted to spend Christmas with his family, and now that George has money he doesn’t have to help the police send George to jail, but damn, he still doesn’t get to spend Christmas Eve with his family. And why’s he cool with that? He gives George money as well, but why? It’s George’s fault you don’t get to spend Christmas with your family!
35. If this movie had any real balls, it’d dive deep into the message of life being wonderful and worth living. Show us George having a happy attitude even when he gets sent to prison!
36. How is it that literally every character we’ve met in the movie comes to George’s house to give him money? The only one who doesn’t appear on-screen is Sam Wainwright, because he was in Europe. You mean to tell me that not one of those people got the knock on the door from Mary and said “Oh wow, that’s tough, I don’t want to leave, but here, take this money to George”? Get outta here.
37. Mary is truly the unsung hero of this movie. When George needs money in the Depression, she willingly gives up the money that they were going to use on their honeymoon. When George needs money at the end of the movie, she goes around town and finds people. Without Mary, George loses to Potter forty minutes in and goes to jail at the end of the movie.
38. This movie made me cry. Movies shouldn’t make people cry! They should only make me say “Oh, I’m happy!” and I certainly can’t cry happily. Forget this movie imparting any lessons about family and friends, it made my cry so it must be sad and it must be bad.
39. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
40. In the movie’s last seconds, if you listen closely, you can hear Jimmy Stewart’s very out-of-pitch singing. Wow, great job Jimmy.